|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| I've started back my make up course this March. Its been a month then, things was really hectic ever since i started studying and working. It's like i don't even have the time to rest. Soon.. i get used to it. It would either be working in the morning and studying back in the afternoon or the other way. Don't even have the time to go shopping. But i guess its really been a month. I know plenty of new friends this month, and i mean plenty. Most of them are guys i get to know from Daphenie during clubbing. I used to club every week, but since i started my school and working plus another job at Philips, i don't even have the time. Monday to Friday i've got to study and work part time. Saturday and Sunday i am working for Philips. Damn, i don't know why but its been a very unpleasant night for me. Sometimes i wonder if people can really act the way they want. I wonder if every people is really acting the way they supposed to be, or just because you wants to get attention from that guy, you seem to act a lil more feminine so he would like you? I wonder if people could keep their feelings and act like they don't seem to care or are they actually afraid to care. For once i thought being myself is the best way to make friends but i realized if you're acting like yourself you can't even survive in the society. But for once in my life i acted as myself today. I'm happy. If i'm ever given a chance i guess i will break down and cry. Seeing my mom as a tough woman she is my only reason i kept going on with this brutal world. I would never want to disappoint her but i guess i just did. I was really stressed so i smoked in my room non stop forgetting to lock my door she came in, she didn't scold me at all, she looked at me with a face which i knew i broke her heart. So i'm here to vow, i will try my very best to quit smoking. I will not let myself down anymore. Looking back its been really hard climbing to this stage. I still remember i used to stay in hospital for like ages. I remember i used to have anorexia, i am always depressed, i cut and abuse myself when i'm sad, i don't take responsible for things i ever did and made my family so worry about me. Spending thousands and thousands of money for my medical fee, coping with my studies, deep down i'm sad but at that moment i really can't help it but think why am i doing this to myself? I used to be a very happy kid around the block, i would be smiling the whole day and do things i love, i will eat as a usual kid, i have confidence, i have health. Why am i doing this to myself just because i wanted to become one of the pretty girls around back then. I believe nobody liked to be teased. I got teased from guys and girls and even got dumped because of my weight. I guess the biggest influence to boost my determination not to eat is because of my sister. I can't help but to admit, i used to adore her very much. She is much better than me in ways. People would always praise her for looking better. I would feel bad. I guess nobody realized. Looking at her wearing those clothes which fitted her body so much and she can wear so many more variety of clothes. I admit now that back then i was jealous and i wanted to be the same. So i didn't eat and go through all these and become what i am today. Should i be happy or should i not? Every hard bit i go through back then made me stronger and love myself for who i am today. If i'm to choose again, yes, i would still rather do the same thing again. I'm just born vain. AIKS! So tomorrow will be a new day and everything starts over again. Right? I remember a quote which says " Although everyone may seem to be flirting around but they always thinks about the person they cared before sleep" i guess its true cause i'm thinking of you. I care for you and when u feel lonely each time, bare in mind that i'm always there for you. This is me.
Adios!
Signing off @ 6.02 a.m.
29th / 4 / 2008
Renee with love.
| | |
| whee..! its valenine.. im so happy.. that i cant even sleep last night.. wondering whad will happen today.. well.. im excited because alvin's my 1st bf i go thru valentine with..! he even bought me chocolates with writing on it -BB miow miow i love u- RM22 *claps* yet im happy but a lil worry.. im afraid my day will be a bad day.. so i prayed.. lolxx.. wake up at 12 and started to get ready.. xD usual stuff.. shower, make up, and finally done and appear at my doorstep with a purple dress alvin bought for me for this special ocassion -RM99.90- excited.. wonderin whad alvin will wear.. afraid la if i wear till so nice but he cincai wear then die lo.. lucky he dress smartly.. xD so our 1st step is to go to mid valley to have lunch and also buy our valentine present.. -a stainless steel ring with one small diamond on it- -RM369- after that.. we went and have a walk suddenly got one girl come over and ask me for number say she is from some sorta "modelling advertising companies" and asked me to go interview.. i was so stunt.. but i guess its a compliment.. makes my day so happy.. xD and head to genting for our dinner.. it was damn cold.. lolxx.. we had dinner at a restaurant call "coffee terrace" at genting highlands.. it was a buffet.. and it was damn damn yummy.. lolxx.. its quite romantic though.. lolxx.. then after dinner we went to 1st world and he bought me one rose -lolx- after that we head back to subang.. went to FTZ to da gei for while and then went to summit.. dunno do whad.. jz walk walk.. and then finally.. went home.. but still.. im so happy.. its the best day ever.. thank u baby.. love u.. and u still owe me a $2778.. xD! some pic- enjoy -  me and alvin at coffee terrace.. xD
 desserts didnt take much.. cos too full adii.. xD  alvin's eating his beef!  at mid valley.. so many ppl see me pose! | | |
|    flowers from darl, massaging xD | | |
| phew.. damn tired.. dat day wore heels.. damn pain and tired my leg.. like bengkak liao.. keep on complaining to mu dear.. but well.. the day started of like this.. whee.. yesterday was my first month anniversary with alvin.. but we argued in the morning like hell.. i mean it.. i nearly felt like giving up.. i was so sad... i didnt even have the heart to work anymore.. =( but he still come n pick me up after work.. ok.. he said he bought flowers for me.. but honestly i didnt belive him.. cause i thought he wudnt.. and wont be so romantic.. boi... i was so wrong.. i saw him came up with nothing in his hand.. my heart says.. SEE! he is lyin.. then we just walked around.. and then he bring me bak to the car.. lolxx.. and.. here is the surprise.. flowers... very nice.. its damn sweet... but i still act cool nia.. jz say thank u.. actually the heart damn happy wei..~ hehe.. xD thank u darlink.. xD after that he bring me go eat.. ask me wan to eat whad.. we round n round around taipan.. still.. dun habb.. and then he spotted the restaurant open liao.. which i previously said i would like to try.. and so we dine there.. not very romantic.. but good environment.. except for the toilet part.. =) so i ordered salad and one somesort of like breakfast set.. one gelato with cheese.. and one smoothie.. mixture of banana,peach, mango, and much more.. not bad also.. xD mwaks.. finish liao then i called my mom say wanna bungkus for her de.. while i was walking walking i saw the massage shop then i jokingly say.. i wanna massage.. then i didnt know he reli bring me go.. RM 40 / hour ler.. lolx.. xD sweet.. and loving.. love him so much.. and so the nite ended like this.. i will alwiz rememer this nite k.. love u lots my dear.. xD thank u.. ps: love u.. | | |
| aiks.. damn tired lerh.. xD wakaka.. first day of work... damn tiring.. woke up at nine and get ready.. my mom's so gan zeong.. xD when i leave the hse summore gibb me one ang pao.. lolxx..then i go habb breakfast with alvin.. hehe.. xD then i go work.. reach oni.. have to help one lady do manicure liao.. xD hmm.. still managable la.. xD wakaka.. xD jz tired and miss my deardear so much.. neways.. blog some other day ba.. nite~ damn tired!
ps: love u dear.. we ganbateh together k!
| | |
|
|
